Saturday, August 7, 2010


so much happened today O:
but it's not really bloggable stuff?

not what i consider bloggable. xD
i guess mundanity doesn't really appeal to me, thoughts do.

everytime anyone comes here they'll find an interesting if hard to understand read 8D
....which looks a lot like i'm emoing.

most of the time i'm really not, i'm just contemplating O:

at any rate.
we'll all work together for the next 12 months 8D
let's make the unit and the current part Bs as awesome as we are :D

ciao for today ;D
i don't feel any different xP

gave up waiting at 12:16 AM

Thursday, August 5, 2010

i realised i haven't come here in awhile D:

caught up with stuff, not much to talk about anyway.

i'm losing myself in routine.
i'm subscribing to the common ideal.
i'm becoming another faceless identity in the throng of masses.

it doesn't do to stand out from everyone else, to be the one that everyone looks at, to be the person that everyone knows and sees, because in the end,

you're just another face in the crowd.

and once that crowd isn't relevant anymore, you aren't either.
why is it that nobody wants to escape this relentless march of mutability, of changing identity, of forced anonymity?

i guess the only way is to be true to yourself.
the ones in the corner may not look like the happiest people in the world

but think again: that's from your perspective.
and you're one of the people in the crowd.

i don't know how to get out of routine either :/
the classic remedy is, of course, to find something fun in your life all the time!

easier said than done.
everything gets boring after you try it.

to find new joy in something is harder than one can expect.
and the things i really want to do...

sit in a comfortable chair with the person i love and have a scintillating conversation. read a book. watch the sunset. relax.

there are two kinds of joy: sedentary and active.

i don't mind that, either. i don't mind trekking through whatever pathetic forest trails this island has to offer. i want to go learn parkour. i want to run and jump and feel alive.

i want all those things.

but time is the limiting reagent in the chemical equation of life

and the catalyst, most of the time, doesn't exist

the impetus to act isn't there.
and when it is there, there are so many things in the way.

i guess servicelearning stuff is one way to kill two birds with one stone.
but even that's an escape route, and in the end nobody can run away from lessons and class and schoool and the rigorous regime of the administration and the homologous hive mind of the populace.

the ones in the corner are the happiest, because they don't have to talk to anyone.

that being said, the good thing about succumbing is, of course, the road out of ostracism.
makes things more convenient.
makes it easier for you to do whatever you want, most of the time.

maybe everything above is an excuse.
maybe i should just go out and get going and start doing things.

all i know is that something's got to happen.
something should happen.

everyone is growing up around me and i'm still the old man who watches over everyone.
i'm pissed because i'm not getting any character development.

hey, if this was a fantasy story, i'd die trying to protect someone -__-
the good thing is that i'd be like the second most powerful character in the series at my point of death, barring the actual antagonist!

...of course, the little snot-nosed protagonist would probably take a level in badass after two books and go, idk, one winged angel on the villain.


...there. that's what happened for the past three weeks.
maybe the past few years.

i need somebody to love again, or maybe someone who loves me.

read this:
don't get put off by the words. ;D

gave up waiting at 5:56 PM

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

i suck at sports.

like, i really suck at them. at every kind of sport.
games, whatever.

not to say i'm not fit...
which i don't look. D:

actually, i'm like, lousy fit compared to a lot of people
but heck lah.

lousy hand-eye coordination
no dexterity

doesn't make sense man.
okay lah makes sense
not fair but makes sense.

this whole post was pointless

gave up waiting at 8:24 PM

Monday, June 28, 2010

first day of school and it's pretty horrible :X
yeah, it's nice to see everyone else again, y'know, like.
yeah. i guess.

but after awhile you stop saying hi to everyone and it's, like, monotony all over again.
i have this sense of ennui that i associate with school life.
and the clouds are beginning to gather again D;

not to mention that the time is fast approaching.
ohno~ xD

new shoes were lousy.
i mean, thanks, dad, for buying them, mucho appreciated, but....
b) the back thing. idk what it's called. IT CUTS MY SKIN.
admittedly, after awhile you get used to the pain and start to ignore it.
it's like putting salt on an ulcer
slowly shaving your skin away with a scalpel.

as i type the blisters it's caused are burning.
although that may be due to the way i'm bending my feet.
whatever. ): fcked up shoes.

can't dribble in them.
they're damn weird to walk in.

anyway, if not for ze's plasters, my feet would be a bleeding mess of pus and grime now D:

damn tired the whole day
no energy .____.
half sleeping...
i think i'm going to stay like that the whole term.
dear, dear god .____.

okay, i'm officially stuck on tvtropes.

i wonder how ncc is going to turn out once we take over...
probably a debacle at first.
i have visions, we all do, but nothing ever turns out the way we want it.

idk. focus on the present, i guess.
my lousy bestfriend is outside ):
and not replying my smses.
stupidpok. ):

heh. see how ba.

bye. ;D

gave up waiting at 9:01 PM

Sunday, June 27, 2010

He couldn’t believe it.

Rather, he didn’t want to believe it: the moment he’d seen her, the old thrill of apprehension, the anticipation of meeting someone new, had gipped his heart and given it life. He felt ecstatic, and simultaneously intimidated.

Should he go up to her? Maybe he was mistaken: everyone was made out of metal these days. But she’d been one of the first, back when they’d both been happy. He immediately removed himself from that train of thought. Memories were something he didn’t want to get lost in.

He was so engrossed in his internal debate that he didn’t notice her get up and sidle behind him. He was the only one who didn’t; everyone else was either ogling or scowling.

Scissors usually had that effect.


Paper whirled around. No, no, this was wrong, he hadn’t imagined it like this, he…

“Wow.” There, he’d said something. At least fifty pairs of eyes were trained at them and he was pretty sure they weren’t looking at him. He forged on. “It’s been a long time,” he said. He tried a smile. It came out faltering, awkward. “For a moment there I didn’t recognize you.”

“Well, you look just like the writing material I remember,” she remarked. Her smile was easy, natural. Practiced. The word was practiced.

“Maybe,” he muttered. He looked up. She was quizzical, bemused. “It’s been a long time,” he repeated. He felt with great acuity the rapidly growing crescents under his arms, the integrity of his hair gel degrading. For some reason he felt mortified by the glasses he wore – why hadn’t he worn contacts?

“That’s true.” she said, settling into the seat opposite his. “But it seems like yesterday that we sat in the park and watched the people passing by, and…” She faded off, distracted, obviously reminiscing. Paper was sure she only remembered the good parts. He didn’t. He watched her, unsure whether or not to break her reverie. The former was something he hadn’t done for a long time.

Finally she stirred, and glanced at her watch. “Oh, my god,” she exclaimed. “Look at the time. I’m sorry, my dear, I’ve got to go.” He balked at this. So soon after so long, and they’d barely talked… She was getting up. She was leaving. She was walking out of his life again. He fumbled for words, desperate, unwilling to let her pass.

“Wait!” He’d said something, at least – that was good. “Do you want to meet up sometime?”

Dear Diary:

He’d stood there watching cars and buses and taxis pass by for longer than he could remember.

gave up waiting at 10:57 AM

Friday, June 25, 2010

we are all idiots.
let me explain.

as babies we delight in discovering the world around us.
we relish the joy of finding out about things, but most importantly we find out about the people surrounding us.
we learn to read emotions. we learn to manipulate others with a smile, or a grimace, or most often a a long painful period of bawling.

as kids, we learn how to make friends.
it's the purest form of friendship.
there's no deceit, or fake personalities, or even secrets.
friendships made at this point, if they last, are the closest and most intense of all.
but that rarely ever happens, and those who manage it are lucky.

kids are so free of problems.
when you're five, nothing means anything;
school is just a place where you go and find friends.
i don't really remember it anymore. :/
kids hold hands without reservation.
they're perfectly happy with each other.

perhaps i'm only remembering the good things.
but i was watching a kindergarten class today...
that, at least, was what i saw.

contrast that with now, when touching anybody of the opposite sex is an absolute taboo, unless you're really good friends or... more. (:
admittedly as you get older the stigma lessens, but even so, the taboo still holds.
why does our society abhor physical contact?

is it because of the Asian values that are still retained in the region?
propriety and uprightness and keeping your hands to yourself have been part of our lives for many generations.
affection isn't shown directly, but through subtle actions and words, because we are simply too scared to admit anything to each other.

or perhaps it's because we've been fooled by the media.
every place in the body is a taboo zone simply because the act of touching in itself can be taken to imply sexual interest or contact - and with the majority of society becoming increasingly obsessed with sex and release (just look at the Japanese), physical contact has become inextricably associated with the act itself.

yet in America, everyone routinely engages in it. Trading hugs is commonplace, and so are most of the tenets of contact. Why the disparity in practice?

If we consider that American relationships routinely end in breakup, divorce, and disgusting amounts of grief, the answer is then clear: emotion.

Physical contact helps to share feelngs and provides a physical representation of one's emotions for another individual. Whether holding hands, a hug or a three-on-two orgy, physical contact is necessary - if you're someone who likes to, needs to, express her feelings summarily and concisely. A hug says what 300 convos on msn possibly can't. A hug is more intense than countless nights spent on the phone, talking about inane, random goings-on. But there's another side to the story.

Hugely emotional relationships rarely work out, on account of the hugely emotional state of the parties involved. And that leaves us in the middle of nowhere.

Some people may scoff and think I'm just a horny little bitch who wants to be touched.
Maybe. I can't stop you from thinking that.

But for the rest of us, consider this:
Where did we get warped by society's perceptions?
When did we change from innocent kids into sex-crazed, lonely people filled with paranoia and insecurity?

I'll leave that to you to decide.
And go hug all your friends.
It's easier and less painless than you'd think.


gave up waiting at 12:01 AM

Thursday, June 17, 2010

i am suffering from what is known as a MID-LIFE CRISIS.

i believe this was perpetuated when, this afternoon, i settled down to re-read lord of the rings.
after deeming the weather to be perfect for a quiet day of reading.

erroneously i then committed the mistake of stopping at a crucial chapter (the one where frodo says he'll take the ring) and turning the computer on.
i thereby proceeded to stumble through three hours of awkward and forced conversation with everyone.

i now realise the folly of my mistake.
also i realise the joys of submerging oneself in a medieval fantasy world.
zhengwei, i forgive you and your addiction to wow.

until i pull myself out from this quagmire, i will be closed off to all forms of human contact (:


gave up waiting at 10:18 PM